Today is my new year.

One year ago today riding in a car through the mountains around Chattanooga inspired from all that had opened my eyes at the Passion 2010 conference I decided I was going to read through the bible in one year. The iPhone may generally be described as a great distraction but I found a bible app that allowed me to read the bible through the whole year and keep track of it. Praise the Lord.

As this journey began I have to admit that my head was not in the best place. I was dealing with a relationship that was muddied with misconceptions and lets be honest a good deal of heart break.  I knew I needed something more than the world was able to offer, more than friendly advice, I needed to see hope again. As reading became a routine I began to feel change in my life. I started meditating on the immense power that is found in the new and old testament. A relationship began to mature. I started seeing where my God was wanting me to go, I was listening not just shooting up prayers for my own desires. Life was evolving, that hurt that turned into anger began to melt away. My focus fell off me and onto pleasing my maker.

   The turning point for me this year was when Since Forever took the seemingly insane risk to play shows down to Texas and cross the country and make it back to Tennessee in about a month. People can say the road is a blast and definitely it is but there are some points where you just feel incredibly alone.  You are in a foreign place and only know four other people who are with you.  We are doing everything on our own and just trying to make enough to get to the next place to play.  Sometimes it feels desperate because a phone call cant save you if you get into some trouble 900 miles away, but those days I felt more alive than I had in the 22 years leading up to them.  It’s funny but literally about a year before that I prayed for God to show me what it was like to live on faith alone, and boom he was doing it. It was me, God, my four best friends, and the wild west. I wish I could put into words all that I saw of this country that I could see God’s presence in. It was a spiritual journey that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  That trip was a challenge and a risk but completely worth every second. God blessed us immensely on that trip and I attribute that to all the amazing people who prayed for us while we were out there. Thank you.

I must say this year hasn’t been a straight shot of happiness or spiritual bliss there has definitely been struggles and I remember the summer months took its toll on my awakening. Sometimes life gets real hectic and I definitely found my self caught up in desires of the world, but I take fault for that and now understand how to learn from my mistakes. God put some very key people into my life those months and I want to say thank you for being there.

As the hype of the summer began to fade and autumn slowly rolled in I was starting to get this odd mix of feelings. To be real I was a little confused about who I was at the moment, and what exactly it was that I was to be doing with life right then. I will admit I secluded myself a bit to try to figure it out but that was not working.  One morning I realized I wasn’t getting involved with anything locally, so I decided to change that and start going back to my old college group. The best decision of 2010. Rejuvenation. Just in the past couple months I have met some of the most incredible and true friends I have ever had. They showed me love and sparked this idea (with a little help from scripture I had been studying) that love should always be my first reaction to everything.  Something I meditate on everyday.

2010 was a change. It was a beautiful story that I feel blessed to be a part of. God did amazing things this year, not me. I want to encourage the biggest revelation I had this year that LOVE should always be the answer, the reaction. I understand that it is definitely not easy and I fall short of it constantly but even if its just one smile to a stranger, a hug to a friend it can make all this difference. I believe this is living how Jesus lived.

Key Scripture from 2010 - John Chapter 14

For 2011 my focus is to live with audacious faith and to truly believe God can do the impossible.

This song is a culmination of the year I have lived into 5 minutes.

All around hope is springing up from this old ground.

Out of chaos life is being found in You. 

You make beautiful things out of the dust.

James 1

 ¹James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
      To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:
      Greetings.

Trials and Temptations

 ²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

 ⁹The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. ¹⁰But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

 ¹²Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

 ¹³When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. ¹⁵Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

 ¹⁶Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. ¹⁷Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ¹⁸He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

 ¹⁹My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. ²¹Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

 ²²Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

 ²⁶If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. ²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

If He died for me, let alone on a cross, why would I ever give anything less than all of me for Him?

Today makes me think.  On this day every year we celebrate Jesus defeating death and later returning to his Father, our God and through all of this saving us from the sins that break us down and lead us to death.  He is the link between me a man and God The Almighty.  I think about what it could have been like to see God in the flesh.  To speak face to face with the man who was sent from God.  The man who knew his days were numbered.  The man who knew his purpose was to bring us all closer to our maker.  The man who knew his death was to bring benefit to the whole world. To be a savior.  To save my pathetic undeserving life.  Its an incredible story that goes further than eggs, fake grass, and chocolate.

Its been on my heart all day how many people go to church this one day, and just this day out of mere tradition. It pains me to think of all that they are missing out on.  The relationship that saved my life on my birthday two years ago.  The relationship that brought me through the absolute worst moments of my life to the best.  But I also understand there is timing involved for everyone.  I just urge curiosity. Pursue the idea of believing in Christ past just this one day.  Take a look at the bible, read a passage or two, see where it takes you. I love my Lord and all I want is for others to experience this thing I can’t keep quiet; because its something I can’t compare to anything on this earth.

Apart from Him I can do nothing.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Love.

California is absolutely beautiful.  I wish I could show you all the amazing landscape that we ran across traveling through the state but I decided I wanted to soak it in.  I used to live behind the camera and capture the moments for later but I really just wanted to experience through my own eyes rather then a piece of machinery.  I felt so small riding in our little van through the mountains in southern California at 4,000 feet above sea level.  Everything around me just screamed of evidence that this earth we live on isn’t some giant accident. 

Our show in San Diego absolutely ruled. A bunch of kids came out and we all just had a really good time and of course bonded over our first In and Out experience.  Yes all those band dudes are right its amazing. Get the 2X4. 

From there we trekked onto L.A. where we picked up The James Barr from LAX which wasn’t nearly as crazy and hectic as I expected it to be.  I love adding Alex to the mix, he brings life and laughter to the group especially when we are down or tired or whatever.  His presence was much needed.  From there we dropped Zach and Jason off at Bamboozle to work with our new sponsors So So Happy. 

Taylor, Brendy, Alex, and myself set up camp at this awesome RV park that was about a mile from Disneyland, it was awesome.  We just hung out, laid out, and just enjoyed our life for a few hours, then we went to pick up Z and J.  The next day we did that same thing except for dinner Jade took us to Downtown Disney.  I was a little apprehensive at first because I was in this to-myself kind of mood but as we walked around I just noticed all the smiles and all the families enjoying their time with each other and it really made me happy inside.  It did made me miss all of those I care about back home so shout out to you. I love you.  After dinner we picked up Zach and Jason again who btw tore it up at Bambooz, pat on the back for those two, working their butts off for this band.

The next day we headed to Santa Monica for our first meeting of this week with NXT Music. They were awesome and I’m really excited for what we are going to be doing with them in the coming months.  They built Taylor Swifts site so they are kind of legit.  After that we walked around and enjoy the sites and shoppes of Santa Monica.  We went down to the pier right before the sun set.  On the pier I took a breath in and realize how far I was from home, and I wasn’t bothered.  I never thought I’d get to the other side of the country being a small town boy from Maryland but I made it and I just felt content with what God had been doing with my life to land me exactly where I was at that moment.

Now it’s Tuesday night and we are spending it in a hotel thanks to the absolutely wonderful people at So So Happy and Skelanimals, which we did a photo shoot for today.  It was really fun and I think it started to sink in that this band is taking very big strides for the short amount of time that we have been doing this full time.  In 8 months Since Forever went from a local band to touring out to California meeting with companies and being sponsored.  The pieces of my dreams are starting to become less scattered and more in place.  After the shoot we met downtown with the rock representative from SESAC which is a performing rights organization.  They take care of royalties and administrative type things.  They are so valuable to the next step with this band and we are now all SESAC members and proud of it.  To me being a songwriter this was a big deal to me and I am very excited to see what happens with them. Afterward we met up with the So So Happy family and went to dinner.  They are awesome people.  Definitely a blessing to this band.

Now I am in the hotel enjoying my time in internet land.  Thank God for the internet. Seriously. 

Being out here and seeing all that I have seen I need say to everyone who is a part of this thing we call Since Forever, thank you. To foremost the fans, our manager, our families, our friends, the random people we run into running venues, all the people who believe in us, Thank You.  You are making my dream from when I was 14 years old come true.  I could only hope to show you how much it means to me.  And one day I hope I can help you bring your dreams to life as well.  I am one lucky man and it is all because of you all caring enough to listen to our songs, watching us play, to reading this entry.  Thank you.

- “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." 

Jesus - John 14:1

My heart is still wrestling with wanting to give more.

I really can say I’m happy.

Some people call it loneliness, I call it time for prayer.

Love.

“Most of our thoughts are centered on the money we want to make, the school we want to attend, the body we aspire to have, the spouse we want to marry, the kind of person we want to become… But the fact is that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God; it’s about eternity, and nothing compares with that.”

— Francis Chan