Today is my new year.
One year ago today riding in a car through the mountains around Chattanooga inspired from all that had opened my eyes at the Passion 2010 conference I decided I was going to read through the bible in one year. The iPhone may generally be described as a great distraction but I found a bible app that allowed me to read the bible through the whole year and keep track of it. Praise the Lord.
As this journey began I have to admit that my head was not in the best place. I was dealing with a relationship that was muddied with misconceptions and lets be honest a good deal of heart break. I knew I needed something more than the world was able to offer, more than friendly advice, I needed to see hope again. As reading became a routine I began to feel change in my life. I started meditating on the immense power that is found in the new and old testament. A relationship began to mature. I started seeing where my God was wanting me to go, I was listening not just shooting up prayers for my own desires. Life was evolving, that hurt that turned into anger began to melt away. My focus fell off me and onto pleasing my maker.
The turning point for me this year was when Since Forever took the seemingly insane risk to play shows down to Texas and cross the country and make it back to Tennessee in about a month. People can say the road is a blast and definitely it is but there are some points where you just feel incredibly alone. You are in a foreign place and only know four other people who are with you. We are doing everything on our own and just trying to make enough to get to the next place to play. Sometimes it feels desperate because a phone call cant save you if you get into some trouble 900 miles away, but those days I felt more alive than I had in the 22 years leading up to them. It’s funny but literally about a year before that I prayed for God to show me what it was like to live on faith alone, and boom he was doing it. It was me, God, my four best friends, and the wild west. I wish I could put into words all that I saw of this country that I could see God’s presence in. It was a spiritual journey that I will cherish for the rest of my life. That trip was a challenge and a risk but completely worth every second. God blessed us immensely on that trip and I attribute that to all the amazing people who prayed for us while we were out there. Thank you.
I must say this year hasn’t been a straight shot of happiness or spiritual bliss there has definitely been struggles and I remember the summer months took its toll on my awakening. Sometimes life gets real hectic and I definitely found my self caught up in desires of the world, but I take fault for that and now understand how to learn from my mistakes. God put some very key people into my life those months and I want to say thank you for being there.
As the hype of the summer began to fade and autumn slowly rolled in I was starting to get this odd mix of feelings. To be real I was a little confused about who I was at the moment, and what exactly it was that I was to be doing with life right then. I will admit I secluded myself a bit to try to figure it out but that was not working. One morning I realized I wasn’t getting involved with anything locally, so I decided to change that and start going back to my old college group. The best decision of 2010. Rejuvenation. Just in the past couple months I have met some of the most incredible and true friends I have ever had. They showed me love and sparked this idea (with a little help from scripture I had been studying) that love should always be my first reaction to everything. Something I meditate on everyday.
2010 was a change. It was a beautiful story that I feel blessed to be a part of. God did amazing things this year, not me. I want to encourage the biggest revelation I had this year that LOVE should always be the answer, the reaction. I understand that it is definitely not easy and I fall short of it constantly but even if its just one smile to a stranger, a hug to a friend it can make all this difference. I believe this is living how Jesus lived.
Key Scripture from 2010 - John Chapter 14
For 2011 my focus is to live with audacious faith and to truly believe God can do the impossible.
This song is a culmination of the year I have lived into 5 minutes.
All around hope is springing up from this old ground.
Out of chaos life is being found in You.
You make beautiful things out of the dust.